The rain is coming down hard today. It has been coming down hard for days now. People in Texas have dealt with fires praying for rain while the upper east coast is pelted with it. Where is the balance in it all?
This rain is actually soothing to this aching heart of mine though. Just like the unbalance of rain reserved, I question the unbalance of love in life for me. While some seem to be saturated with love, romance, and relationships, I feel like the drought stricken Texas burning and being destroyed.
I cry out to God. “When will it be my turn, Lord?” Why do you keep with holding this from me? Have I displeased you in some way? Is there something that I need to learn that I seem to keep failing to understand? Why must EVERYONE around me celebrate the loves of their lives, new marriages and new babies while I sit here wishing I had done things differently?
I shouldn’t regret my choices. They were noble ones that you wanted me to make. Even when I had a difficult time standing in them, you gave me the grace to make it through and you protected me. So, why now do I feel like I really missed out by waiting? Why do I feel like I could have been “enjoying” life had I not chose this path rather sitting here lonely and not appreciated for it?
Lord, give me the strength to go on. If this really is your will, give me the strength to continue but also to have the faith and assurance that even in my desperate isolation there is reason and a purpose that is worth the wait. Please Lord Jesus, show me.
Believe me, I know MANY who would love to be in your shoes. Things aren't always what they appear to be. Actually, things are RARELY what they appear to be. Love YOUR life!
ReplyDeleteI think what MOMSWEB meant is that once you are married you idealistically can not go back to being single, Yet there are times where you will want the benefit of being single. My sister is happily married. She adores her husband and her kids however, she goes through times when she wants a moment to herself. She envies that I can up and go whenever I want to or that I don't have to worry about feeding 3-5 mouths every meal time. It is just me. There is so much freedom in that. She is good to have in my life because we live vicariously through each other. Sometimes that is necessary. It is normal for us to look at what we don't have and want it without realize what we would have to give up in order to have it. I think this is what MOMSWEB is saying. Live in the life you have to the fullest. Appreciate it and know that some day you will be where you want to be (married with children) and this will be but a memory. She is right. I pray that I can take a part of my current experience and hold onto the memory of it and the memory of wanting more ~ for when "more" seems to be a little too much.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments Sophie A. I tried to find your email to send you a message but I did not see one on your blog page. It has been a pleasure to meet you.
ReplyDeleteLaura ~