Strength

Many years ago my cousin who loves to write, wrote about me.  She described me as being strong, like a brick that others broke themselves against.  I was flattered by her description and sweet words but I never understood what would make her describe me like this.  I do not see myself as strong. I see myself as constantly struggling and constantly wanting to figure out the next step, not ever sure of what to do.

It is difficult for me at times. It is difficult for all of us.  We all have our own reasons for distress and disbelief.  Mine is the balancing and coping of everyday life.  Sometimes I do great and really flourish, even receiving compliments from those around me.  Other times I am harsh and distant, throwing hurtful words like arrows to the flesh.  Every day for me though is like walking a tight rope or a balancing beam and across my shoulders is a beam that stretches the length of my arms, carrying the weight of emotions that come naturally to everyone else.  On a calm day I have a lot to balance, but on a busy day or a day filled with stress and decision my risk of “falling” is traumatizing.  I get panicky, harsh and jab at others to stay away.  You are going to cause me to get off balance. You are going to cause me to fall.  You are introducing harm and destruction to the harmonious balance I am trying to create.

I don’t know what my cousin was thinking when she wrote about my strength as though she admired me for it, because what I see is a broken little girl constantly trying to pick up the pieces of her shattered life and hold them together without anyone interfering in the process.  I wish I was strong.  I wish I was capable of so many of the things that I see others do.  I wish I didn’t have to carry this “load”, this burden with me.  But like I said before, we all have our own distress.  We all have our own failures to overcome and challenges to face.

For me, it has just been a matter of accepting mine and learning to live with and in spite of them.

Laura “silly little girl” Menefee

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bipolar_disorder_diagnosis_treatment.htm

A Beautiful Mind

I have to admit. The first time I tried to watch “A Beautiful Mind” was when it was in theatres and it lost my interest early on.  I walked out of the theater not even regretting the money I lost by not finishing the movie.  Even now, it can be hard to get through the beginning, but as the drama continues there is an awe that begins to capture you and reel you in.  John Nash was a famous Mathematician.  His discovery while studying at Princeton lead to a change in the field of economics.  He then went on to teach and even earn the Noble Prize in economics.  His history and life is without a doubt impressive. 

What captures audiences in this film about his life though is his struggle with mental illness.  John Nash was diagnosed with schizophrenia after being hospitalized by the encouragement of his wife.  John not only had to accept and face his illness, but he had to overcome it by continually seeking treatment and recognizing the difference between delusions/fantasy and real life.  His life was not easy. Nor was his wife’s but together they fought a good fight and in my mind they won.

There is one line where Russel Crowe who plays Nash states to his long time friend after being asked if he is still affected by the delusions/hallucinations…

            …”They are my past, Martin.  Everybody is haunted by their past.”

Now when I see this movie, I see the brilliance that comes out in the end as his life made such a difference to so many. He really was successful despite the difficulty that he had to face on a daily basis.  

None of us have it easy.  We all have our own difficulties and challenges, but what of that?  Are they not there for any other reason than to define our full potential and capabilities?  We are greater than that which we have been dealt.

If you haven’t seen this movie, I hope that you choose to see it now.

Technique of Victory

"So often, when facing our own giants, we forget what we ought to remember, and we remember what we ought to forget. We remember our defeats, and we forget the victories. Most of us can recite the failures of our lives in vivid detail, but we're hard-pressed to name the specific, remarkable victories God has pulled off in our past."
This is taken from an email from Chuck Swindoll (Insight for Today) entitled "Unique Techniques"
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     I have really come to enjoy watching the pros play golf.  I'm not sure why I like it so much.  I think it has to do with the great talent involved.  These skilled sportsman take a little tiny ball and with a long skinny stick hit it several hundred yards away as close as they can and sometimes directly into a little tiny whole.  It amuses me just restating it like that. 

   One thing I have noticed though is the mindset that they choose to have in the process.  Every single one of them states how they have made it a strong point not to think of the times before when they failed with a bogie or bad stroke.  They instead focus on what they know they can achieve. 

   I don’t know about you but I always make it a habit to think of past failures.  I allow them into today’s thoughts and expectations and I loose to them over and over again.  It is a sad process really.  I fairly recently rec’d advice from a friend stating, “keep your eyes on God and what He is calling you to do and don’t think of those situations or the people in them.”  That statement has really impacted me, and even though it is a constant challenge to think like that.  I have made it a determination to do just that. 

   I don’t think that David thought about all the times he missed the mark as he stood up to Goliath.  I think he made it a point to know and think of how BIG GOD is and what he is capable of.  Then he just did it.  What is your giant today?  Is there anything that you are letting hold you back?

                               

The Exodus

Exodus is a book in the bible going over the account of Moses.  It also means to leave or mass departure (The American Heritage Dictionary).  As I study the book of Exodus and the story of Moses, the terms and ideas of Redemption, deliverance, and forgiveness engulf my heart.  There is something I am meant to see here, something that I am meant to learn.

We as Christians are so use to these terms.  We hear them all the time and for the most part think we know what they mean. But as they are standing out to me more and more, I really wonder how well we know them.  As I read through these chapters and gain new insight to what God is showing me, I want to share it with all of you.  If you have a different opinion or a question, or a thought of any kind I ask that you leave it in a comment.  I would really like for this to be a discussion board as well as a post.

As you already know, I do not have all of the answers but in being in fellowship together, I believe those answers and God's clarity begins to manifest.

I wish you all well and will be praying for you and we take this voyage through the great Exodus!

Laura~