|Photo by good friend and blogger http://walkbyfaithquestionsconcerningdeath.blogspot.com/|
The last couple of weeks I have been at my breaking point with work and school. I made the mistake of setting up a schedule that did not allow for any “fun” time. That and the pressure of not having enough of me to go around has really been stressful, to the point that I have just wanted to quit. Wanting to quit is something common for me.
When I was younger, I went to a school to be a hair stylist. I stayed about 2 months. I have worked as a secretary. I have worked for an investment company, a hotel and as a home health aide. Once I even worked for a Christian radio station. That was a fun job, and one that I thought I would have for a really long time. But even that job I left.
Nothing was right. From the time that I was diagnosed, I never found anything that was worth working through.
Last week, I felt so DONE. My spirit and everything in me just broke. I couldn’t care anymore. I had to let everything go…at least in spirit. I don’t know exactly what changed then but I knew that I wasn’t going to walk away. All I could think in my frustration and annoyance was “I want to do this. I’m going to do this. I’m not giving up.”
This is the first time since I was diagnosed that I feel this driven about what I am doing.
I think when bad things happen to you, you begin to feel defeated. I know, for me, it was like trying to find something to prove that I belonged and was needed – that I wasn’t a failure or broken like I felt. I didn’t really believe in myself, and I am only now beginning to learn how to.
I think after a time of feeling really defeated in life you need a moment that you have to push through, a moment where you have to really fight for what it is you want. And sometimes that means realizing what it is you want.
For me, I want to be a nurse. I will be a nurse and I will be good at it.
Life is about chances. It is about risks. It is about faith. Life is about desire.