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Wading the storms of Life...together in word.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

"For Better or Worse"


Are these words not being said in wedding ceremonies anymore?  “In sickness and in health, till death do you part.”

Now, I’m not married and even though I want to be, I seriously question my willingness to stick it out when faced with a time of really not loving my husband, or just being completely disgusted or disappointed by him. So, the idea of walking away I definitely get.  That is probably why I haven’t done it yet.  But there is a reason that we said these vows so long ago and why they are called vows.

What kind of commitment do you have if it is superficial, if you know that it is only based on you being a certain way at a certain time?

“I’m not going to love you or stand by you if you get sick.  I’m sorry that just inconveniences me.”

“I’m just not attracted to you now that you have gained 20 pounds.  I’m sorry.”

“We are just not the same people anymore.”

“I just don’t love you like I use to.”

Marriage isn’t something that is built for just a season.  It isn’t something established to revolve around you.  Marriage is a commitment, an involvement, a follow through.  When you get married, it is with the intention that things will change.  Your feelings will change.  Your looks will change.  My grandparents are beautiful people, but they did not look the same at the end of their life as when they first married, but their love was stronger than it had ever been.  And it is a guarantee that you will fall out of love with your spouse.  I say that because to us, love is a feeling and feelings change.  There are no guarentees with feelings. The truth is that LOVE is an act.  It is something you choose to do even when you don’t feel like doing it.  It is something that grows deep with nurture and care.  The more hard times you go through and work through, the more deeply rooted your Love becomes.

And this is the love we all want, whether we admit it or not.  To love without loss.  To love without regret.  To love without fear of losing. To love and to grow.  To love and to trust.  Love that walks away is never love like this. 

The real question in any marriage is how deep of a love do you really want, and what are you willing to do to have that kind of love?

5 comments:

  1. Hey Laura:) You are on a roll girl! Keep up the good work....write, write, write!!! Prayer is a great help during those tough times of marriage! It's what helps me get through:)

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  2. I've been divorced twice, and both times, it was the right thing to do: First husband was physically abusive and cheated on me, second husband was a financial nightmare and ended up going to prison for several years. (I sure know how to pick 'em!) I think the problem was that I married men I shouldn't have. I should have taken more time and taken a more "business-type" approach; to look at it in a more black&white way instead of letting myself get carried away by feelings. But it was also that I had such low self-esteem that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get anyone else. I settled. I've struggled with that for many years. In fact, it was a very intelligent, beautiful, lovely friend (named Laura!) who posted something a few years ago about not settling, that really got me to thinking and reevaluating things in my life. It took me a long time to really comprehend that God wants the BEST for me! And now I am older and wiser and TAKING MY TIME and I'm able to make better decisions. Thank you for your encouraging words. You go girl!

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    1. :) I didn't realize this post was yours when I read it in my email. Thank you so much for your comment. I think sometimes that maybe I shouldn't post stuff like this since I have never been married and there is so much that I do not know. But even as a single there is so much that I see around me. I can understand anyone leaving a spouse that abuses them, and I can relate to other reasons too whether biblical or not.

      I think what gets me most though is the casual attitude to the commitment of marriage, getting out for reasons not so dire.

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  3. Marriage has taught me what love is really about. Longsuffering, grace, mercy, forgiveness, the list goes on and on. Marriage isn't for wimps and there have been days that I've wanted to leave, but by the grace of God and ONLY God am I still here.

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    1. I love what you said MOMSWEB and I think you are so right. Before marriage, I think we think of what it will bring to us without realizing how much we will be required to give in the process of it. :) Thank you for sharing. Sorry it took so long to respond.

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