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| Photo by good friend and blogger http://walkbyfaithquestionsconcerningdeath.blogspot.com/ |
The last couple of weeks I have been at my breaking point
with work and school. I made the mistake
of setting up a schedule that did not allow for any “fun” time. That and the pressure of not having enough of
me to go around has really been stressful, to the point that I have just wanted
to quit. Wanting to quit is something
common for me.
When I was younger, I went to a school to be a hair
stylist. I stayed about 2 months. I have worked as a secretary. I have worked for an investment company, a
hotel and as a home health aide. Once I
even worked for a Christian radio station.
That was a fun job, and one that I thought I would have for a really
long time. But even that job I left.
Nothing was right.
From the time that I was diagnosed, I never found anything that was worth
working through.
Last week, I felt so DONE.
My spirit and everything in me just broke. I couldn’t care anymore. I had to let everything go…at least in spirit. I don’t know exactly what changed then but I
knew that I wasn’t going to walk away.
All I could think in my frustration and annoyance was “I want to do
this. I’m going to do this. I’m not giving up.”
This is the first time since I was diagnosed that I feel
this driven about what I am doing.
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I think when bad things happen to you, you begin to feel
defeated. I know, for me, it was like
trying to find something to prove that I belonged and was needed – that I
wasn’t a failure or broken like I felt.
I didn’t really believe in myself, and I am only now beginning to learn
how to.
I think after a time of feeling really defeated in life you
need a moment that you have to push through, a moment where you have to really
fight for what it is you want. And
sometimes that means realizing what it is you want.
For me, I want to be a nurse. I will be a nurse and I will be good at
it.
Life is about chances.
It is about risks. It is about
faith. Life is about desire.
